You know you’ve been in Switzerland too long when…

  • you think it’s economically wasteful to have more than one brand of product in a store.
  • you think spontaneity is OK, as long as it’s planned.
  • you think getting up early is good.
  • you get upset in the train when foreign tourists open the window.
  • you actually get interested in the local elections.
  • you know the words to the Swiss national anthem.
  • you expect the shop clerk to say goodbye to you after you purchase something.
  • you prefer to buy in small shops even though it’s more expensive.
  • you think joining clubs is an acceptable way of meeting people socially.
  • you start studying for a Nachdiplom.
  • you get annoyed when the car ahead of you doesn’t turn off its motor at the traffic light.
  • you look forward to Wildsaison.
  • you’re prepared to pay for a local dentist.
  • you’re not upset when a public holiday falls on a Sunday.
  • you to defend cartel-based economics to a visitor.
  • you think that plaid jackets with flowery ties don’t look that bad.
  • you think it’s fair that you can only wash clothes once a month.
  • you wonder why anyone would want to shop outside of working hours.
  • you get concerned about all the foreigners moving into the country.
  • you approve of school on Saturday mornings.
  • you don’t mind spending all day in the restaurant at a ski resort and wonder why all the foreigners insist on skiing when the conditions are less than optimal.
  • you know the difference between Cafe Traesch and Cafe Luetz and get upset when other people don’t.
  • you become suspicious when people think independently.
  • you decide on going on vacation in the U.S., buying a car and driving around for six months.
  • you can comment on the quality of English schools in southern England and California.
  • you consider taking a vacation to Florida but then don’t go because you think it’s too dangerous.
  • you think it’s okay to drive slow on Sundays.
  • you pull out in front of another car to reserve your place.
  • you reserve your table first before getting food– in a cafeteria.
  • you don’t worry about your jacket being stolen in a restaurant.
  • you feel like you’re broke if you have less than $300 in your pocket.
  • you get upset when someone pays with a credit card instead of paying cash.
  • you dress up to go grocery shopping.
  • you wear white socks with black shoes.
  • you feel embarrassed when your squash racket grip doesn’t match your socks.
  • you wish the Swiss government would do something about their refugee policy.
  • you hope Switzerland doesn’t join the European community.
  • you consider food with garlic in it to be spicy.
  • you understand why Chinese food should cost more than normal food.
  • you get embarrassed when a visitor asks for a doggie bag in a restaurant.
  • you prefer Swiss wine.
  • you are willing to pay higher prices because it ensures higher quality.
  • you wish that your town used expensive garbage bags, too.
  • you assume that all blacks are foreigners.
  • you consider target shooting a sport.
  • you assume all Asians are refugees.
  • you think it’s okay for a Chinese restaurant to be run be a Swiss, staffed by Spaniards and Portuguese.
  • you don’t mind waiting in restaurants.
  • your German is better than the waiter’s.
  • you insist on speaking German to people who obviously speak English.
  • you know the difference between and Landsprach and an Amtsprach.
  • you stop liking peanut butter.
  • you start capitalizing Nouns and joining Bigwords together.
  • you think that Generalversammlung is an important event.
  • you don’t mind houseflies anymore.
  • you start preparing costumes for Fastnacht.
  • you join a Guggimusik band.
  • you think Thursday night shopping is really convenient.
  • you entertain in restaurants.
  • you decline an invitation because you have to clean your apartment.
  • you don’t take part in a sporting event because you’re not dressed for it.
  • you consider it normal to make reservations to see a movie.
  • you are glad for the pause during a movie so you can smoke a cigarette and buy ice cream.
  • you prefer fizzy mineral water to tap water.
  • you worry that you don’t have the right sort of glasses for the drinks you’re going to serve.
  • you throw a party and expect everyone to leave by 11:30.
  • you expect dinner guests to help with the washing up.
  • you think air conditioning makes people sick.
  • you begin to understand the subtlety of the Swiss cuisine.
  • you appreciate the difference between the cantons.
  • you prefer plain chocolate to candy bars.
  • you have yogurt and breakfast cereal for dinner.
  • you consider it healthy to eat lots of milk products and lean red meat.
  • you don’t mind paying $12 for a paperback book.
  • you think that 3% unemployment is high.
  • you think that it was through their own efforts that Switzerland stayed out of World War II.
  • you consider getting goats and sheep to graze in your backyard.
  • you think wood is “heimlich.”
  • you start to think in kilometers.
  • you don’t feel embarrassed when you order something non-alcoholic in a bar.
  • you only eat fondue in winter.
  • you complain to the neighbor about the noise when he flushes his toilet after 10 pm.
  • you become interested in the myriad insurance offerings.
  • you call the police when you see someone washing their car on a Sunday.
  • you volunteer to help organize the Dorffest.  
  • you wonder why anyone would want such a big refrigerator.
  • you aren’t surprised when a perfectly good road is torn up and repaved.
  • you buy a new ski suit every year.
  • you put Aromat on all your food.
  • you think it’s okay to wear red Levis.
  • you start judging the quality of Birchermüsli.  
  • you start complaining about the difficulty of finding really good Bauernschnapps.
  • you expect beer prices to go up after midnight.
  • you refuse to tell someone your salary.
  • you think that Switzerland’s conservations efforts make a difference.  
  • you think that hard work is responsible for the stability of the Swiss Franc.
  • you feel offended by reading this.
  • you read this far.

(Disclaimer: This is not my original work, but it was so funny I had to share here. This is really about the German-speaking part of Switzerland from a mixture of American and English points of view.)

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